A picture tells a thousand words, right?

Wednesday, July 27, 2016

This picture is beautiful. 

We had an hour to create, enjoy each other, and have some peace and quiet while the boys slept. Even though her face is pure joy, the state of my heart was totally evil during this time. 

It's interesting how a picture like that says a thousand words. People who just saw it would probably think oh, what a wonderful mom. She took the time to create such a great craft with her child. Their life is probably perfect. They love each other so much. There isn't any conflict. Man, I wish our family was like that. I wish I did crafts with my kids. I wish I had a house in a field of wildflowers (haha.. just kidding, sort of). 

But that wasn't how it was and that's not how it is. 

I struggle daily to love my husband and children well. I struggle daily with frustration with circumstances. I struggle daily with my emotions controlling me instead of the love of Christ. I struggle daily with the fact that I am actually horrible at anything crafty which leads me to struggle with comparison and wanting my friend's gifts and talents. 

Throughout the time Siena and I had together today, I asked Jesus to lead me, I asked the Holy Spirit for more of him. I struggled with my emotions. Inside I felt so frustrated with the smallest things. Does this ever happen to you? You have a wonderful start to the day and then something happens and woah, the whole day then feels off and out of control? 

My friend Megan told me about Revelation Wellness (go look them up, they're incredible!) recently and I had my first experience on Monday with one of their podcasts. While you listen to the podcast, you basically choose your own activity and she's coaching you throughout with intervals and your own perceived rate of exertion. It was so filled with Jesus, scripture, and encouragement; it was wonderful! One of the things she said was that your emotions can be a tool that God uses in your life. They clue you in that you have stopped believing truth and the goodness of God. 

This afternoon I took that to heart and cried out to Jesus that he would help me. He heard my cry and even though things are not perfect (there are piles of dishes, piles of laundry, a messy kids room, and a crying one year old) my heart is starting to rest again in the truth of Jesus. 

Jesus lived perfectly in my place. I can NEVER live perfectly but he did it for me. He died the death I deserve because of my sin. Thank you Lord! He rose again to new life and he is day by day making the dead parts of my heart alive again too.
I am a broken, sinful, selfish person. But Jesus is a whole, perfect, selfless God and he laid it all down that I would be bought out of slavery to control and anger. 

He's amazing.